Feeling really alone tonight. You know you just have those days where you don't feel as confident about things. Sometimes life feels really...long. How am I going to manage a chronic disease, every day, forever?
I just treated a low blood sugar that my CGM didn't catch. I was lucky enough to feel the low. I looked at my CGM, which was reporting a healthy 89 bg. But that little voice inside me wondered why my fingers were shaking so I tested. It made me realize that we are never really safe with diabetes. There are meters and pumps and CGMs, but none of them are 100% reliable. There's so much at stake when they are wrong and it overwhelmed me tonight with fear and anxiety and ultimately, tears. It made me feel so alone and overwhelmed by the responsibility I have to keep myself alive everyday.
Today's score: Diabetes 1, Nikki 0.
But tomorrow's a new day. I'll get all the fear/anger/self-pity/self-loathing out tonight and start fresh tomorrow.