I'm beginning to think I have an unhealthy obession when it comes to knowledge regarding my autoimmune diseases. I subscribe to every diabetes publication there is, as well as all the magazines that focus on celiac disease or gluten free living. And it doesn't really stop there. I read every morsel of information I can find online, too, on university websites, health websites, even the Walgreens diabetes brochures. If I don't already own every diabetes and celiac book available, I've likely checked them out from the library. I used to read "fun" magazines, like Marie Claire and Nat Geo. But all of the "fun" reads have largely been set aside in a pile while I try to stay caught up on the health magazines. It's the same situation with my books.
I don't know where to draw the line between what is a healthy amount of information and obsession/overload. It's hard not to be obsessed about diseases I have to manage 24/7 for the rest of my life. Is it out of fear? Control issues? I'm not sure. One thing I do know is I've got to start muzzeling myself because I can't keep torturing everyone who talks with me by telling them the latest-and-greatest information I've just read about. People have been kind, but I'm sure I'm driving them nuts.
Maybe I believe that if I learn everything there is to know, I'll be less sad about having these diseases. And not feel like the 'different person.' I don't think I'll ever not feel like that, because I don't feel like anyone sees me as anything else BUT different from them.
In a team meeting at work today, my blood sugar unexpectedly dropped low. It was a manageable low, but low enough to set the alarm off on my CGM. I casually excused myself from the meeting room to walk back to my desk to grab a juice box, and as I walked past my team, I heard the whispers "her blood sugar is low, she's getting some juice," "ohhh." "Remember, she has diabetes? She's got to drink something." I am honored in one respect b/c they know enough about my disease to be able to share with someone else who is concerned. But I also felt..different. I'm not the girl with excellent skills and great work experience, or the goofy, fun one. I'm the girl on the team with Big D and Celiac Disease. That's what I'm first recognized for. Anything after that will have to come second. I really don't know how to get around that.
Anyway, I'll stop obsessing about any and all things diabetes and/or celiac disease related for the night. But if you have any thoughts or ideas, I'd love to hear them.