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I'm a glass-half-full type of girl. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, grave's disease and celiac disease in 2010 and life-altering allergies in 2013. I believe having a positive attitude is the only way to live with dis-ease. I also believe that life doesn't have to be PERFECT for it to be WONDERFUL. Dis-ease is expensive, so I live a frugal yet healthy lifestyle. This is just my blog; my day-to-day story.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Haven't been doing what I should. And I crave normal ppl problems.

I have a confession to make. A confession I will very soon reveal to my doctor. I'm supposed to go in soon to get my A1c tested and ohhhhhh the dread. Ever since this back issue started, I stopped staying on top of my diabetes. I was (AM) burned out from all of the health issues. Sometimes it can feel like too much to manage all the time. So I haven't been checking my blood sugar as often as I should, and I've become lax on treating highs and lows, as well as on bolusing for food before I eat it. I didn't expect the burnout would last this long, but it has and it continues. Unlike celiac disease, where when I eat gluten I am usually immediately ill, with diabetes, not taking care of it doesn't result in immediate consequences that I can feel. I guess that's what makes this disease so dangerous; a false sense of security/health. But my upcoming A1c is going to reveal my dirty secret.

I get tired of making my health issues a priority over each other and over everything else. It's hard to always strike a balance. Which one takes priority today?? I want to have a life outside of my diseases and I'd love if I could make that life a priority one of these days. You know, the part of life that includes having a social life, having a job, enjoying exercise time, having expendable income, all the things that I would like to not only have but be successful at. Despite my best attempts, my diseases have negatively impacted each one of these areas of my life at one point or another.

I wish I could put celiac disease on the back burner so I could just go out to eat anywhere-- not just places that have gluten free menus-- and just sit down an enjoy a meal without worrying I will be gluten poisoned.

I wish I could put diabetes on the back burner so I wouldn't live with worry of either long term complications from highs or immediate death from a severe low, 24/7/365, and also so I wouldn't have to follow two medical diets.

I wish I could put my spinal cord injury on the back burner so I could resume my love of walking, running, training, and yoga-ing. So I can drive again. So I could work again. So I can sleep laying down again. So I can move without pain and without fear of causing further or permanent damage.

I want "normal people's problems." The "I hate my job, I'm fighting with my spouse, the I am soooo busy..." blah blah blah type of problems.

Sigh.

Put into perspective I realize I could have worse problems than these. But right now, I just am craving a few days of back when my life was normal (pre-2010). I wish I'd known to appreciate those days more. Hind sight sure is 20/20.

3 comments:

  1. And I noticed the time you wrote the above. I am glad you are doing the blog, to be able to express how you are feeling, no matter what.

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  2. Dude, I'd say it's completely EXPECTED for many things to be in a state of crazy right now, especially your diabetes! You've had a crazy ride over the past while. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    Heck, I can't keep on top of my diabetes even without traumatic spinal cord issues (!!) and celiac stuff.

    Seriously. One little step at a time, and be kind to yourself.

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  3. I know how you feel. As a T1D I often feel burnout from it. It's actually really reassuring that there are others who feel the same. Am going to get a blood test 2moro for my A1C and I'm hoping it is a bit better than last time. It's so easy to try and hide from it all but the blood tests don't lie. As I have found out!

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