Yes it's late and yes I should be in bed right now deep in a slumber in preparation for tomorrow's workday but I just can't sleep. I just finished watching this Hallmark Channel Christmas movie that I recorded earlier and it's put some questions in my head. While I must admit that these movies shamelessly bring me joy, the one I watched today got me to thinking about something.
In one part of the movie, a man (presumably in his late 20s/early 30s)is trying to find his perfect match and finds a girl he thinks is cute but he finds out she is vegan and decides not to ask her out because as he put it "where could I ever take her out to eat? Too much work." and moves on to the next girl. Anyways, I felt this twinge in my stomach because I believe his feelings and his statement ring true- that perhaps a woman with "food issues" IS too much work and not worth pursuing. I wonder if that is how others perceive me? Do my "food issues" due to celiac disease and type 1 diabetes take me out of the running? Will no man pursue a lifelong commitment with me because of these things? I know I've brought up my questions about being loved as someone with medical conditions in a previous blog where I blatantly wondered if I could be considered lovable.
This all stems from my own embarrassment/insecurity from having these illnesses, and recognizing the hassle they will cause the person I could have a relationship with and/or marry someday, even though I know these diagnoses are not my fault but still I feel a little like damaged goods. And watching that scene in the Hallmark Channel movie made me think that even more! Why would they joke about it if it weren't true?
I'm just beginning to believe that finding a person who will see past my diseases, or "food issues" is just not a big possibility.
At least I have my dog and she loves me no matter what <3
Thoughts/opinions? I would really appreciate everyone's raw thoughts on this.