Day two of new job.
The extreme tiredness that one experiences when your brain is trying to absorb new info for 8 consecutive hours has set in. I feel like I stuffed 20 lbs of potatoes in a 10 lb sack. I don't think I'm eating enough. I'm definitely not going to bed early enough. And the 1 hr commute home everyday (from city rush hour) is killing me. But I like the job and the people.
My diabetes numbers have been GREAT, but at a price. Since I have been trying to keep my diseases a secret for as long as possible, I have been eating very small amounts of carbs in order to avoid having the CGM beep with highs. So breakfast has been 3 egg whites, no carbs. Lunch has been a salad with almost no dressing. And I have carby snacks and juice boxes on hand when I see I'm dropping below 80. I eat only enough to get it in the low 100s. I have not beeped one time in two days. I only check my blood sugar in the bathroom stall. My pump is currently on my stomach; virtually invisible under the right clothing. No one seems to have noticed anything. People talk to me about normal people things. I felt NORMAL for the first time since being diagnosed with diabetes 3 years ago. I'm enjoying this for as long as I can, because I know as soon as people find out I have diabetes, I will start to hear the stories we've all heard- who they know that has diabetes or died from it. I will get 1000 questions on my diet, diabetic symptoms, my family's health history, and get told how I don't "look" like a diabetic (what does one look like, exactly). I will have judgments placed on me when people see me eating sugary things.
I have had diabetes long enough that I had almost forgotten what it felt like to not have it (or to not be treated like I have it). It's 100% non-disease related conversations. It's like old times. It made me sad and made me really miss my "old" life, the one without diabetes. I want to hang on to people not knowing I have it for as long as possible.